The last few weeks have been kind of tough. My dark days… I don’t like that I have them, but I do. A venture does not go as planned; the plan I had in place suddenly seems overly ambitious and unsustainable. “The Unknown,” with its booming baritone voice, settles in with as much scariness as I can dream up. And no one likes to be around it (me), so I feel extra lonesome – which exacerbates the feeling sorry for myself.
Yuck is right.
To shake the feelings, I tried chocolate, mugs of warm tea, going for several runs, meditating, calling my friends, calling my mom and dad, going out for drinks with the girls… until I realized that these were all just distractions. To be sure, delicious ones and heartfelt ones and fun ones, but what ultimately got me through was this:
I leaned into it.
Leaned right on into the fear. I let my feelings wash over me. Go ahead, I told myself, go ahead and feel sorry for yourself. Go ahead, I told myself, go ahead and think those horrible thoughts.
In those deepest darkest hours, I stopped fighting. I stopped trying to distract myself. I just let myself feel it fully.
And you know what? I found that I picked myself up. I dusted off my skirts, dried my tears, and kept going. Yeah, I felt vulnerable. Yeah, I felt raw. But something else clicked deep inside, and I kept going anyway.
I believe that perseverance starts here. In the darkness and chaos of things. In the nakedness. In the whirlwind of building a brilliant company and career, with kids to love, and a life to rebuild.
I also believe perseverance through dark days ultimately connects us as human beings. I found myself much more compassionate – able to just BE with pain, or hurt, or anger in others. No fixing. No advice. No nothing, except understanding.